riddle me

I don’t want to live but I don’t want to die
Solve the riddle for me:
what am I?

I have four limbs and I have two eyes
I’m filled with despair
yet romanticize

The heart that lives underneath my skin
is soft and it’s cold
See I’m eggshell thin

My veins pump trauma straight to my mind
An animate knot
Look back and rewind

I’m dedicated to wearing a mask
Dodging the questions
even I can’t ask

My coffee is white while my soul is black
The slightest of slights
is a full attack

I’ll never be good, never be good enough
The reason I stay—
My mind likes it rough

Crack me and crack me and crack me again
Break me enough and
I’ll pick up my pen

The pieces I give never get returned
And yet I press on
I need to be burned

I feel most acquainted with the dark
Alone in the night
not even a spark

My sense of humor covers my pain
A blanket of laughs
to brighten the stain

I don’t want to live but I don’t want to die
Solve the riddle for me:
what am I?